Friday, April 08, 2005

BIZARRE BURGER BIZZARE

Hello, and welcome to my Blog. Today's entry is a "Shakedown" of the major fast food burger places around. I initially tried to do a double-blind experiment, but was unable for two reasons:

1. Having all those blind people in one room is dangerous, they pretty much end up fencing with their canes, and knocking stuff over.
2. I don't know any blind people, well, I do know a couple blind people, but just as acquaintances, and I didn't have their phone numbers

So with that in mind let us continue...worst to best style:

The Enemy - Right before the summer of 2001 there was a special on McNuggets. McNuggets were the only thing that I would eat from The Enemy, as the times previous that I had eaten burgers had ended badly. However, this would be my last encounter with McNuggets, or anything else from The Enemy for several years. Basically, I ended up spending the next two days kneeling before the porcelain altar, offering up anything that I dared to try to eat or drink. Luckily I was feeling good enough to go to China, but not good enough to eat anything but Con-ji (rice porridge) and fried rice for the first several days. The thing I learned from this incident was that if you keep drinking water while throwing up, the bad taste eventually goes away, and regurgitating water is much more fulfilling than dry heaving. It would be three years before I ventured to eat any food from The Enemy, and when I did, it turned out badly again. The one thing that I will eat from there is the soft-serve cones, they are scrum-diddly-umptios, and if you go to Bakersfield, you can get them dipped!

Carl’s Jr. - Now I can stand Carl’s. Actually, I have even been craving it within the last several weeks. My favorite has always been the Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger, except for a short span between 1999-2003 when I did not eat there. When I was in High School, going out for the track team, I could eat one of these puppies and still be hungry, and not feel any ill effects. My last three have filled me up, unsettled my stomach, and made me have strange dreams (Don't eat right before you go to bed). But, these problems are more associated with my tendency to chew once and swallow, than with the quality of the food. The drawback to Carl’s is that their Sandwiches are much more expensive than the ones of their competitors.

Burger King – I don’t eat burgers very often these days, but when I do, I seldom choose Burger King. I think part of the reason is because their ads of late are kind of freaky, I mean, there is one where the guy wakes up next to the “King” and the “King” offers him breakfast...frankly if I woke up and there was a guy with a plastic face dressed like a king next to me, I would either run for my life or start kickin’ some *$$. In another one the guy is peering in through the windows early in the morning. Since when did voyeurism sell hamburgers? But the whopper is still a good burger for the money; at least it has lettuce, tomatoes and a pickle.

Well this is getting too long so I will add more, or part II at a later time.

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